To Tribute or not to Tribute is the question?

picture{French dominatrix en:Maîtresse Françoise.}




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in the forum somewhere i found this topic and thought I would share it ...

what are your thoughts about :
To Tribute or not to Tribute is the question?

Are you asking about tribute within a D/s dynamic? Someone who is requesting tribute in order for you to meet with her? Tribute as compensation as a pro dominant? Are you asking about the validity of financial domination? Are you even talking about a financial transaction at all or might you be talking about a tribute such as a time investment on your part? My personal answer isn't the same for the number of possibilities that can be associated with the word tribute.


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There is no reason to pay tribute to anyone if they have done nothing to inspire you to pay tribute. Paying tribute to someone you talk to over the internet is likely about that person making money. As a Dominant I expect my subs to pay tribute to me daily in the form of their respect and submission. Of course, if you have hired a pro then they are entitled to be compensated for their time and work. It's all a matter of perspective. However, I would be careful of people asking for any tribute up front.


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Each ProDomme puts tons of time and often money into Her business. You don't go to a body shop, and expect them to order a specialized part and then not expect to pay a deposit. It's no different for a ProDomme. If you're really curious about a Pro, try getting DDI. The publisher takes a good deal of feedback from Pros that advertise with him and individuals who cruise the ads. If a certain advertiser starts getting some consistently rough feedback, he'll pull the ad from the next issue because that does end up hurting his credibility with the individuals who make him the most money: the readers. You can count on those Women being pretty reputable and, as long as you're seriously looking for a session, you shouldn't have a problem paying for it.

Personally speaking, I pay tribute every day with a foot rub when She gets home.

_____________________________{above opinions from the forum}

Dominatrix
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


A dominatrix (plural dominatrices or dominatrixes) or mistress is a woman who takes the dominant role in bondage and discipline, dominance and submission or BDSM. A common form of address for a submissive to a dominatrix is "mistress", "ma'am", "domina" or "maîtresse". Note that a dominatrix does not necessarily dominate a male partner; a dominatrix may well have female submissives.

The term "domme" (pronounced /ˈdɒm/) is a coined pseudo-French female variation of the slang dom (short for dominant). It stems from the Latin words "dominus" = master, "domina" = mistress. The pronunciation is identical to the term "dom", by analogy to one-syllable French-derived words like femme or blonde.

As fetish culture is increasingly becoming more prevalent in Western media, depictions of dominatrices in film and television have become more common.



Word history

Dominatrix is the feminine form of the Latin dominator, a ruler or lord, and was originally used in a non-sexual sense. Its use in English dates back to at least 1561. Its earliest recorded use in the prevalent modern sense, as a female dominant in S&M, dates to 1967.[1]

Although the term "dominatrix" is not used, the classic example in literature of the female dominant-male submissive relationship is portrayed in the 1870 novella Venus in Furs by Austrian author Leopold von Sacher-Masoch. The term masochism was later derived from the author's name.
Professional versus lifestyle dominatrices

French dominatrix Maîtresse Françoise.'

The term dominatrix is often used to describe a professional dominant woman (or pro-domme) who charges money to engage in fantasy play with submissive clients by visiting their homes in person or via chat. In reality most dominatrices are not professionals, but lifestyle dominants. A lifestyle dominant is a person who is assertive and in control of their relationships both inside and outside the bedroom.

Women who engage in female domination recreation ally are known as dommes, dominatrices, mistresses, or simply dominants.[2] A high percentage of dominants are lifestyle dominants, but some simply play the dominatrix role because it is perceived as a high-paying profession.

It is common for professional dominatrices who are also lifestyle dommes to have both paying clients and a "personal slave or sub" or slaves or subs, who are not paying clients. A personal slave will typically perform a domme's housework and run errands for her. A personal slave may or may not live with his or her domme.

Professional dominants most frequently do not engage in sexual contact with their paying customers, as this can be construed as prostitution in some places. Outside of their life as a pro-domme, they may or may not engage in sexual behavior with a devoted slave or sub. A common form of domination involves chastity where a dominant controls her slaves' sexual access, sometimes keeping them locked in a chastity device except for rare occasions.

The stereotypical image of a dominatrix is of a woman wearing a rubber or leather catsuit and thigh-length boots with high heels or, in a more elegant and teasing mode, black lingerie, stockings and high heels, or some combination of these two alternatives. Many professional dominatrices do indeed wear similar outfits for their work in order to meet client expectations.

Kundalini Rising

Kundalini Rising

By Mistress Steel

steelbfl@sonic.net

http://www.steel-door.com



Kundalini is a Hindu word which describes or attempts to describe the sacred transformative element that awakens consciousness. Kundalini is also described as a sacred, spiritual or creative energy which when activated within the individual 'rises' to 'erupt' through the persons energy 'vents' or chakras awakening 'self-realization' or the integrated force of the individuals physiological, mental, emotional and religious selves. This type of awakening may also be called shamanic awakening, ascension, transformation, awakening or release of the energy body.

Many people exploring the BDSM lifestyle encounter unique and unusual phenomenon relating to what we call 'space'. A submissive who spontaneously enters space for the first time will frequently recount transcendent and transforming and/or radical mental, emotional, interpersonal, psychic, spiritual and lifestyle thoughts and experiences. The power of the experience can be so intense that the individual may retreat into a state of confusion and panic as space or energy 'subsides' from them. Frequently their initial experience is involuntary or spontaneous. Following this first 'eruption' or awakening some submissives begin to encounter or experience profound subtle changes and realizations in their life and viewpoint.

In addition some submissives encounter or note physical phenomenon which are strange or different from anything they have encountered before. Some of these phenomenon may present themselves as uncontrollable muscular twitches, spasms or cramps following a scene or intense encounter with their Dominant. These sensations may also include itching, vibration or 'quaking' of the body, prickling of the skin, goose bumps or the sensation of energy 'crawling' along the surface of their skin. They may actually 'feel' an immense energy rush or flow coursing through their body, some submissives may even encounter the expression of this energy as actual electricity which may further manifest as being 'charged' or through the release of static charges.

Adapting to these new 'flows' of energy or energy release frequently takes many years as the body quite literally adapts to new processes from the inside out. During this adaptive process many submissives can experience symptoms which cannot be traced to any direct illness, disease or physical problem. Many submissives within this process may find that they are diagnosed as having some form of epilepsy, restless legs syndrome, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fiber Myalgia as well as some unidentifiable mental psychosis. It should be noted here that these diagnosis may be entirely accurate within the framework of how science views the body as separate from the mind or spiritual aspects. Any suggested diagnostic medical path that the individual believes in should be followed by the individual to aid in reducing or alleviating some of these symptoms. Many submissives will find that these symptoms occur in waves and frequently seem to diminish as the transformation of their life (frequently from vanilla to alternative lifestyle) progresses. Other symptoms of note are digestive problems, headaches, numbness and neck or back pain. Buzzing or ringing in the head (sometimes also a symptom of high-blood pressure) Mental symptoms may include intense emotional outbursts, a reduction of emotional control, rapid mood swings, strong episodes of grief, fear, rage and depression with no apparent source or trigger point.

Many submissives may also note a distinctive and profound 'healing state' which temporarily frees them from pervasive long term physical ailments or disease during the actual experiencing of a spatial high or 'rising'. They may also experience blissful sensations in the head, heightened awareness including acuity of the senses, and mystical experiences (such as a sense that they are communing with their identification of the god presence) If this type of mystical state appears to challenge their existing or long term belief system then they may feel threatened or conflicted which can lead to forms of psychosis or self-grandiosity. As a submissive proceeds through this 'self realization' process or as some call it 'actualization' they frequently experience sensations of intense ecstasy, bliss, intervals of tremendous joy and serenity. Their psychic experiences may include ESP, out-of-body or astral travels, spontaneous repressed or regressive memory releases, a conceptual awareness of the 'presence', intense and sometimes prophetic dreams, visions and healing powers. Many will also note a 'freeing' of their creative energy which may be expressed in music, poetry, art, writing etc. Many express a new and intense interest in spiritual truths, self-awareness and expression, intensified understanding and sensitivity as well as a compelling need to pursue further insights into their inner essence. They also frequently find themselves 'feeling into' or attaining energy or frequency alignment with their Dominant.

BDSM and D/s activities and experiences tend to center within the two most creative systems of the human body, the human reproductive system which is at the highest energy creative level as it deals with the creation of life itself and the human intellectual system. Within BDSM activities it is common to challenge the mind or push or press the mind beyond the normal functioning 'range', forcing the mind into new territory, new worlds, new experiences, releasing new thoughts, ideas, understandings.

Though this article is written expressing 'submissive' space, this 'space' is not actually the domain of the submissive. Within the BDSM community the term 'space' is simply commonly related to or applying to submissives. This eruption of self-realization, spontaneous experience of awakening or 'space' occurs to both Dominant and submissive equally and all the information noted above applies equally to all.

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http://www.sensuoussadie.com/spiritualityarticles/steelarticle2.htm
All Rights Reserved By Mistress Steel

comments or email steelbfl@sonic.net

Hair Bondage {LDP}

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Please Me [poem by joy}

Please Me

Author: Joy © 10/99




I watch as you wet the thin soft strips of leather
my skin becoming goose fleshed in the coldness of your presence
then I look into your eyes and I am not afraid
I see love and trusty
and I know I am safe.
"Lie down." you whisper in my ear
then playfully nibble my lobe before releasing me.
I do as I am told.
You stand over me
tall
strong
dominating
and I shiver once again.
Taking four of the strips
you encircle my wrists and ankles.
The leather is soft and wet against my skin.
You secure the loops
each tied tightly to a corner of the bed.
I am vulnerable
exposed
helpless to your every desire
and it excites me.
You come close to me
slithering up between my spreading thighs.
You lie your weight upon me
flesh upon flesh
your fingers intertwine with mine
You kiss me
your tongue forcefully parting my lips
your mouth savagely devouring mine
then you pull away.
I try to follow
my mouth hungers for more.
But I can not reach you.
I struggle against my constrains
longing to touch your chest
your mouth
You move further away
and I wilt with unfulfilled desire.
But soon you are back
towering over me once again
a bundle of leather strips held in your hand.
You teasingly tickle my stomach with the wet tips
barely brushing my skin
making tiny swirling s shapes on my skin.
SWOOSH
the sting of pain
as you slash the leather whips across me.
I wince
tears well up in my eyes
and spill onto my cheeks
the welts appear instantly.
You slash again.. .
SWOOSH
and again..
SWOOSH
and I cry out
with the ecstasy of pain.
My skin is set alive
burning
aching
longing
on fire with desire and pain
I close my eyes
and wait
then I feel it.
the leather...
as it slides between my legs
teasing me
promises of pleasing me.
I am your prisoner
a prisoner to the pleasures of pain.
Release me..release me
please please me...
SWOOSH
The leather strikes my wettest desire
hot burning desire
Then it happens....
I feel your warm lips
kissing my wounds
licking them
nurturing them.
and the pleasure
from the sheer sweet relief
is too much to bear.
Your tongue
warm
wet
gentle
traces the raised path of welts on my stomach
and I know your destination.
I raise my hips
trying to rush your journey
but you will not be rushed.
You trace and retrace the path
always stopping short....
tease me..tease me...
please, please me...
Then without warning you are there.
Your tongue
swirling in folds of warm flesh
your lips
sucking
pulling
at my swollen bud
You linger here
at this most sensitive spot
exploring
traveling every crease and curve
My muscles tense
my back arches
the leather cuts into my skin
Your tongue thrusts into me.
Your hands grip my hips.
You are buried
immersed
drowning
in the flow of my love.
Your mouth
your tongue
your lips
your teeth
bringing me to heights of pleasure
only dream of before.
The leather has dried
and I am unable to move
even slightly
but my body convulses in waves of orgasm
straining the very limits of my flesh
and soul...
An animal wail escapes from my throat
a moan
a growl
a primeval howl.
I am yours until the end of time
your slave
your love
your prisoner
NEVER LET ME GO

The Ceremony of the Roses by jade

The Ceremony of the Roses




The formal lifestyle is filled with traditions and ceremonies that are seldom witnessed by the outside world and perhaps one of the most moving and meaningful is the "bonding ritual" or Ceremony of the Roses. This ceremony is steeped in symbolism and mystique that dates back for centuries. Here is a brief description of what it involves and means

An Eternal Bond A couple who has decided to remain together for the duration of their lives and beyond will often opt for this ritual as a symbolic statement of their eternal commitment. It is sometimes used to renew a relationship that has gone through a difficult time and survived the test. There are many variations and couples often choose to add special touches to make it uniquely theirs.

The ceremony is never public. Most often only the couple and one or two of their closest associates attend. The submissive carries a single white rose, not quite in full bloom. The Dominant holds a single red rose that is opened almost fully. Both roses must have thorns on their stems and be freshly cut. To perform two other parts of this ritual, a 6-8 foot length of light chain is also required along with several candles or an alcohol burner (or other liquid fuel , such as a good serving dish might use).

The couple, along with one or two of their closest friends, stand facing each other. The submissive, wearing a simple dress, holds her single white rose. Her Dominant, holding his red rose, removes her collar. He passes it quickly through the flames of a small burner and returns it to her neck. As he fastens it securely, he makes a declaration to her that he will protect and guide her for all of eternity.

With a thorn on the stem of his red rose, he pricks her middle finger and lets two drops of blood fall on the white petals of her rose. She then offers the thorns of her rose to him and he pricks his own finger. He lets two drops fall to her rose, one alone and one on top of a drop of hers. The two then press their fingers together and make their vows to be joined by blood.

Their witnesses or friends take a length of light-weight chain and pass it quickly though the flame and wrap it around the couple. They again make their vows to be bound by their souls for eternity. The roses are touched together, letting the blood from hers kiss his, and are then exchanged. The chain is removed and wrapped carefully in a cloth to be given to the couple when the ceremony has ended. The roses are put into a single vase and will later be taken to their private chamber to remain as a reminder to them as they contemplate their new bond that night while joining their bodies.

In the morning, they share their hopes and dreams of being together for eternity and pluck the petals from the roses to place them in a container together. These petals are kept for the lifetime of the couple and a portion of them are buried with each in death. The chain is passed down in the family or given to an honored friend who will use it in their own bonding ceremony.

The Symbolism Revealed

The significance of the roses

The white rose, still not in full bloom, symbolizes her submission. The white color represents the purity of her gift, while the still slightly closed petals show that her submission has not come into full bloom. It never will. Submission is ever deepening, ever growing and the submissive will never reach a place where she cannot open a bit more for her Dominant. The red rose, almost fully open, signifies his dominance. The red represents his passion and desire to posses and protect her at all costs, though it may require him to spill his blood to do so. The rose is almost in full bloom to symbolize that he is ready and mature enough to accept the responsibilities required of him.

In older times, the collar would have been made of metal and heated to a glow and plunged into cold water to temper it after it was burned of all impurities. This action symbolized the removing of all impurities from the circle of ownership provided by the Dominant. All outside influences are burned away in the heat of his desire to protect and defend his submissive. The tempering of the metal that takes place when plunged into cold water shows the strengthening of their commitment by submersion into the waters of life. Today we only symbolize this by passing the collar quickly though the flame, taking care not to damage it. (Note: The use of an alcohol burner in place of a candle prevents any carbon residue from getting on the collar, although there will probably be none if the action is performed quickly enough.)

The significance of the blood:

Pricking the finger of the submissive is symbolic of taking her virginity. She has shed blood to give herself completely to him. The drops on the white rose also speak of the same thing. In pricking his own finger, the dominant shows his willingness to shed his blood to protect and defend her by virtue of his ownership. The drops on her rose show that vividly; the drop that falls on her blood covers it and blends with it, thus indicating their union. Pressing the wounds from the thorns together allows their blood to mix, joining them as stongly as their own family blood-lines. They are now of the same flesh and blood. Exchanging the roses is symbolic of their gift of themselves to each other

The significance of the chain:

The chain is a series of links that represent all the events that have led them to be joined. Each one interlocks with another to complete the chain. Passing it through the flame symbolizes the purification of all the events in their time together as well as their pasts. All bad things are burned away into forgetfulness and only the good remains. Wrapping the chain around them gives a visual image of the binding together of two souls into one. This chain is never used for anything again, other than in a similar ceremony by the person who receives this chain as a gift. They are often passed down for decades or even centuries and are honored by those fortunate enough to receive such a gift.

The significance of the petals:

The mixture of the petals signifies the mixing and blending of their lives. Couples often keep them in a decorative jar, once the petals have dried completely. Upon death, a portion of those petals are placed with the body to show a bond that will extend beyond the grave. Many legends are told of roses that have sprung up on the graves of couples who have loved so strongly during their physical lifetime that even in death they sent back evidence of their everlasting love in the form of roses that bloom again on the graves.

Protector or Predator?

Debunking the Myth

Protector or Predator?
What are they? What role do they fill? Are you being had?
by Lord Colm and jade



The D/s community has long acknowledged the need for mentors and with the sudden explosion in the numbers of people interested in our lifestyle, that need has grown dramatically. Novices need the support and assistance of those members of the community who have wisdom and experience on a practical level to help them develop in a healthy and well-balanced manner. The chat channels have been a spawning ground for a whole new generation of mentors who may not be fulfilling the role in an honorable way. How does a submissive learn to sort them out if she/he is not getting the right information to begin with? In this article we will shed a little light on mentors and how they can help or hinder a new submissive grow into their full potential

Lord Colm's View

There's quite a fad sweeping the D/s community these days. If you spend any time in chat, you have probably seen it: Dominants offering to "mentor novice submissives in their first steps into this lifestyle. Sounds reasonable enough. After all, it is a long-standing tradition in the community for those with experience to take fledglings under their wing to guide them into the often confusing world of D/s. The problem, however, stems from the fact that very few of these so-called "mentors have any real-life experience and even fewer have an inkling of what the responsibility of mentoring actually entails.


Facing Facts
Let's start off with the basics. In the long history of this lifestyle, lessons have been learned by our predecessors from which we can benefit. They learned that when it comes to the relationship between two people in what is a very erotic lifestyle, certain boundaries needed to be established to protect both the Dominant and the submissive from the uneducated, the unscrupulous, and the just plain horny. Dominants, face it: as much as we love the mystique, we don't know everything, and pretending to can only lead to disaster. We weren't born with the knowledge of how to be a dom, so let's take a look at some of what our brothers and sisters before us have learned.


I will preface this by saying that I do understand the intense attraction a dominant may feel towards a novice submissive. We enjoy our role as teacher, and we take great pleasure in watching someone under our tutelage grow and overcome barriers. As the submissive offers herself to our mentorship, we often experience feelings that we thrive on, stimulated by a power exchange. That can be very intoxicating. I suggest, however, that it takes a stronger dominant to understand his or her own limitations and to be able to resist the emotional appeal of taking on the responsibility for another person's growth when you are not equipped to do so. I have a fundamental objection to those with no real-life experience setting themselves up in a position of learned teacher. It's rather like reading a book on brain surgery one day, then advertising yourself as a neurosurgeon the next. Until you have actually practiced and honed your skills in real-life situations, you can't really know what it is like. Reading The Story of O and spending time in chat channels does not qualify you as a mentor.


Muddy Waters
A "mentor" and a "trainer" are not the same thing. While the terms may seem like synonyms, in our lifestyle they are two completely different roles, each with different responsibilities. The mentor's job is to guide novices in understanding the concepts of D/s, to answer their questions, to help them come to terms with internal conflicts and embrace their submissiveness. It is not a mentor's function to teach the submissive how to have sex. Most submissives already know how to do that just fine. The relationship of the mentor to the charge (the term for the submissive under mentorship) is more like that of the wise uncle or teacher. Mentors listen, understand, and answer questions on the tenants of D/s.


Trainers prepare submissives for their future master. They provide a wide variety of tasks and experiences so that they have a broad understanding of etiquette and knowledge of the common traditions and tools of our lifestyle. They offer them a base of experiences to feel comfortable in their role in the lifestyle. A trainer may also be called upon by a submissive's master to provide instruction in some task that the master is unqualified to train. For example, the Japanese Tea Ceremony, or some other highly stylized ritual or duty the master wishes the submissive to be able to perform. The trainer works hand-in-hand with the sub's master and does not serve as a replacement. The master oversees the training to ensure the sub's safety and progress.


Get Off Your Duff
I often see dominants farming out their submissive to another person simply because they are too lazy to learn for themselves first. This is a fundamental error. First and foremost, it is the dominant's responsibility to train her or his sub. If the dominant lacks a skill or certain knowledge, then it is his or her moral obligation to get off the couch and learn it, either in conjunction with the sub, or to master it first. I can't help but wonder what it must do to a sub's respect for his or her master when that master fails to live up to his or her role and instead packs off the sub to another person simply because the dominant lacks the drive to learn. This also sets up an imbalance of power. While the sub's master sits at home watching football, the sub is learning, growing, surpassing her master's level of maturity. What is the sub then to do? Come back and teach the dom? If he's teachable, he should be the one learning first.


There is a strong probability that the submissive will bond with the mentor. This emotional attachment can easily be mistaken for romantic love. The sub may tend to idealize the mentor, and this presents dangers which you must constantly be on guard for. It is the mentor's responsibility to ensure that the nature of the relationship is clearly stated up front: Teacher/student, not master/submissive. The greatest failing of so-called mentors is that they are not in control of themselves and their emotions, and so let things deteriorate. The lines between their role as mentor and master becoming blurred. One common mistake is in how they insist their charge address them. The sub should refer to the mentor as "Sir,not "Master.Why? Because the mentor is clearly not the sub's master. The mentor is only an advisor. The sub's master will be someone to whom his or her life will be devoted, someone to love body and soul. A student does not do that with his or her English professor, nor should a sub do so with a mentor. Keep things in perspective: you are there to offer advice only--never fail to make sure your charge understands this.


Keep your hands off. If you are unable to control your own sexual urges, you have not yet learned what it takes to be a dominant, let alone a mentor. Any physical relationship between charge and mentor is a serious ethical problem. It is an abuse of your power, the trust the sub has placed in you, and a virtual guarantee that your sub will become attached to you emotionally in ways that are detrimental to her or his growth. Human nature being what it is, there is always the possibility that what starts out as a platonic relationship can evolve into something deeper. This is why mentors should not take responsibility for a sub who has a master without clear prior negotiation with the sub's master, along with frequent contact to provide progress updates.


Never, ever do this without a sub's master being involved if they have one. We've seen more than one relationship destroyed from this type of sneaking around. It devastates trust and leads to jealousy. A married sub is to be treated as if she or he is owned, even if the spouse is not involved in the lifestyle. Encouraging infidelity brings into serious question your honor, and a sub who will cheat on a spouse is a sub who will cheat on you. If you see that your relationship with your charge is evolving in an inappropriate direction, take steps immediately to reinforce the boundaries. Have the courage to terminate the arrangement if your efforts are unsuccessful. Avoid actions that could mislead your charge into believing there is more to your relationship than there really is.
It's A Big Job


Dominants, the role of mentor is one of enormous responsibility. It is incumbent upon you to first make sure you are ready--you have the practical experience to be in a position to guide, and this usually means several years of real-life experience, not two months of cyberdomming. If you are looking for a submissive, pretending to be a mentor in order to gain control over another is just plain wrong and deceitful. Novice submissives can be likened to innocent children in that they are not wise to the realities of life. To abuse that naiveté is tantamount to child sexual abuse, and nearly as despicable.


In this age of "whatever you say is D/s, is D/s,I hope I've shed some light on what seems to be a very confusing topic for many in our community. The lines between master, mentor, protector, and trainer are often unclear, even to the one who claims to be such. Information is power, and in a lifestyle based on the exchange of power, the more you have to give, the greater your chances of fulfillment and happiness.


jade's View

I know the overwhelming urges that battle against the mind and heart of a novice submissive. The hunger for knowledge is insatiable at times and the need to fill the pit that has opened up in your soul can devour your every waking moment. After years of struggling to discover your true identity, you want to know everything and know it NOW. A new world has opened up before your eyes and you cannot wait to taste of the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge.
This is likely to be the most vulnerable time in your adult life. You are uninformed, eager, longing and excited to learn all you can. You feel akin to everyone in the lifestyle because you have discovered there are others in the world who are like you. Like a speckled puppy who just slipped out the backdoor, you are experiencing freedom for the first time. Everything you see is a new adventure and you dive in with gusto. This euphoria soon turns into loneliness and fear as you realize you are on your own for the first time in a new world you don't quite understand. Just like that puppy, you run innocently to the first kind voice you hear. Sometimes it's a kindly person who pets your head and leads you safely home. You were lucky this time. The next time it might be the dog catcher who will not be so compassionate.


Finding the Tree of Knowledge
In order to survive in this new world, you need information. Finding it is easy. Everyone will be happy to give you all the information they have. Finding GOOD information is a different story. The facts can be a little frightening but you need to know the truth. Probably close to 90% of the people you meet online in BDSM or D/s channels or rooms are not experienced in the real life world of a power exchange lifestyle. Oh yes, they will tell you that they have been in the lifestyle for 20 years, they have owned 50 slaves and they're past president of the local Dom/sub Union, but 90% or more are lying to you and everyone else they meet. The information they so willing pass on is warped or untested. What sounds good in a cyber fantasy doesn't hold true in a real life encounter. Of the other 10% you meet online who do have real life experience, probably half of them are only acquainted with the physical aspects of the lifestyle and got most of their information from other players at some play party.


Where does this leave you, the novice, in your quest for knowledge? It leaves you confused and frustrated, in most cases, so is it any wonder that you are willing to jump at the chance to accept an offer from this nice Dom who just told you he is a mentor? Keep in mind that Eve was seduced by the Serpent with his offer of knowledge.
Mentor: Webster's definition is a wise advisor, teacher or coach. In the BDSM formal lifestyle, a mentor is usually one who answers the questions of a sub in training. A mentor is usually used hand-in-hand with a trainer where the mentor is usually the friend/confidant of the sub/slave/student


A quote from Master John. Trained Master from a Euro-Oriental Family
Avoiding the Serpent
A Mentor can be just the thing you need, provided he really is one. In the lifestyle, a Mentor is the equivalent of a teacher. His/Her job is to provide you with accurate information and answer the questions you have as you move along the path you are traveling. A mentor is someone who can be trusted to guide you when you are lost, serve as a role model, and offer you assistance when you run into difficulty. A mentor is not your master, although your Master could be called upon to serve as your mentor. In the most narrow definition, a mentor, serves as a guidance counselor, educator, respected friend and confidant. In some ways, they are like Uncles or Aunts who oversee your growth, try to help you avoid the pitfalls of life and stick a Band-Aid on your skinned knees. They are not lovers, sex education teachers, or gods. A mentor does not even have to be a dominant, although most of them you find are.


If you have a Mentor who is requesting sexual favors or taking control of your life, you have discovered a serpent in the Garden of Eden. Mentors do not usually have any physical contact with their charges. This includes all the physical activities, such as spanking, bondage and fondling as well as sexual contact. A mentor is not a trainer and does not have given rights to your personal or intimate thoughts or details of your private times. A mentor does not collar you or mark you as belonging to them. As a submissive, you have the right to sever any and all connections with a mentor without hesitation or explanation. They have no claim to you and you are free to make your own choices without fear of reprisal. Do be aware that a mentor has these same rights and may dissolve any association with you should they feel the relationship is unsatisfactory, for whatever reason.


A Mini Checklist
Accepting assistance from a mentor needs some careful consideration. You will depending on them to provide you with realistic, honest information and guidance. Here are some guidelines that might keep you from ending up with a snake in your underwear.

Punishment - Must it always be so physical?©

Punishment - Must it always be so physical?©

by
Lord Colm
Few topics in the BDSM world generate as much debate as does the issue of punishment. Whatever form it takes, it is an integral part of every D/s relationship, and is the source of much misunderstanding.
What is Punishment?

Before I continue, I need to clarify. It's important to understand one fundamental thing about punishment. By it's nature, it is something that is not enjoyable. It is unwelcome, to be avoided, and acts as negative motivation ("I'll not do this because if I do, something I don't like will happen to me.")

Many novices confuse "punishment" for something that is erotic and enjoyable: A spanking, a flogging--something desirable. I'll state this categorically: It is not. I am speaking about punishment for actual misbehavior outside the erotic context, not that wonderful "naughty school-girl/Head master" scene we love so much. Punishment is not play.

Punishment is meant for one reason only: To alter behavior. It is a useful and necessary tool, and exists in some form in every close relationship we have. With it, dominants can teach submissives how to behave and help submissives modify their behavior to better please.

There is only one fundamental offense: displeasing the dominant. Failing to do so or intentionally displeasing the dominant is grounds for punishment, and it is the dominant alone who makes the decision as to whether or not the submissive has been pleasing.

Punishment can take many forms--from a disapproving look to a beating--and is limited only by your imagination and how well you know your submissive. From my interactions with those in the scene, though, physical (corporal) punishment seems to be the most pervasive.
So What's Wrong With That?

Is there too much corporal punishment in the scene? I believe so. It is the easy way out for many dominants. Often it is a reaction, rather than something that is considered. It takes much more effort to come up with a non-physical method of correction. Many of us were brought up with corporal punishment, learning that misbehavior should lead to physical pain. Those social influences can be very powerful. In the long run, however, physical punishment is usually the least effective way to alter behavior.

Jay Wiseman writes in SM101, A Realistic Introduction:

"I firmly believe that the dominant should not slap, spank, paddle, bind, confine, or otherwise perform any common BDSM act on a sub as punishment. We are trying to create positive, erotic connections with these activities. Let's reserve them for that area alone and not cloud the connections. I also firmly believe that a dominant should never slap, punch, kick, or otherwise touch a submissive in anger.

"Punishment often involves pain and many submissives enjoy pain. Indeed, some will manipulate deliberately so they can be "punished." This is why I strongly recommend that pain not be used as punishment."
(SM101, A Realistic Introduction, p. 274)

So let's work backwards one step. Ultimately, the goal is never to have to punish the submissive. Given their 'druthers, most subs would really rather not disappoint or disobey. Most dominants would prefer that they didn't, as well. From that premise, you can prevent a great deal of misbehavior by positively reinforcing the things you desire, rewarding the types of behaviors that you wish your submissive to repeat. This sends a clear message: I like this! Do it more!

We all know, however, that submissives are not perfect and the time will come when she or he displeases you. In these cases, the dominant must take action. Failing to do so teaches a submissive that he or she can get away with unacceptable behavior--that you are not serious about your limits or rules. As unpleasant as it is for us to punish the ones we love, it is part and parcel to being a dominant. What we often fail to do, however, is to consider intent. An honest mistake should generally be treated more lightly than outright disobedience. And just how fair would it be to punish for something a submissive does when you had not taken the time beforehand to properly instruct him or her on how to act properly?
Alternatives

If not corporal punishment, then what? First, whatever the punishment, it must fit the offense. Being too hard or too lenient are equally counter-productive. Use only the degree of punishment needed to achieve the desired results: behavior change. Something you should know is that merely learning that they've displeased is all the punishment many submissives are likely to need. Often, you need only point out how to please you and your submissive will make the desired change. The emotional pain your submissive may feel as a result of disappointing you is very often much harsher and more effective than anything you could reasonably come up with.

One alternative to corporal punishment is withdrawal. In this case, when faced with displeasing behavior the dominant stops the activity, points out the error, and by some means deprives the submissive of the dominant's presence. It is critically important, however, that the lenght of that time should be clearly stated. Without doing so, the submissive may be left wondering if you will ever return, if you have abandoned them. It risks, at the least, an erosion of trust and possibly worse: emotional trauma. Such physical separation can have a tremendous impact on a submissive, so use it very carefully.

Another alternative, and the one I most often use, is introspection. I make known to my submissive that she has failed to please me, encourage her to discover what she did, and then provide her the tools to overcome that behavior. It is vital that the submissive, if at all possible, search for and find the behavior that was displeasing. This can be very effective in helping the sub take the lesson to heart; much more so than a smack from the crop.

Physical pain doesn't encourage. It only sets up an association between a particular behavior and a painful consequence. The tools I provide are something that she can carry with her, physically or mentally, and apply to a variety of situations when needed. The old adage of "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him how to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime" comes to mind. Corporal punishment is the fish, introspection is the teaching to fish.

As an example, we have posted a page on our website called "The Shoe Box, A Master's Gift." It demonstrates from real-life circumstances how alternatives to physical punishment can be constructively used. This article is one of an infinite number of alternatives to corporal punishment.
Is Physical Punishment Ever Acceptable?

In limited situations, yes. If the submissive raises the issue on his or her own, expresses a need to be physically punished as part of the healing process, then, perhaps, it would be acceptable. It is often true that the sub would rather endure physical pain than the emotional pain of your disapproval or withdrawal. If this is the case, use it wisely. Ultimately, what form the punishment takes is your choice to make as the dominant.

Combining elements of correction from several methods can also be effective. For example, if the submissive violates a term of your contract, you could have the submissive kneel (physical discomfort) while reading the contract (introspection) while you move to another room (withdrawal) for a specified period of time.
Warning!

One common error you must avoid is intimate sexual contact immediately following physical punishment. No sex. Why? Because it teaches submissives that if they misbehave, they will get what exactly what they want: Pleasure.

For most dominants who are emotionally involved with a submissive, punishment is a difficult task. You may understand that it is needed, but hate to cause your beloved one pain other than in an erotic context. You may feel guilty afterwards or fear that your submissive will think you no longer care for her or him. These internal conflicts can lead you to move directly into erotic stimulation from punishment in hopes of reassuring. At first blush, that seems good, because it is important to reassure our loved ones that we don't punish because they are "bad," but because we love them enough to correct misbehavior. There must be, however, a significant pause between the two events. If in one breath you are punishing your submissive harshly with a crop and then in the next, before the sting of the last stroke subsides, you are caressing him or her erotically, what are you really teaching? You are teaching your sub that if she or he can only endure this harsh, non-erotic pain for a few minutes, pleasure will be the reward. If you continue that behavior long enough, and you may well give birth to a pain slut (which is good, if that is what you both want, but isn't good if you don't). If you find that you are sexually aroused from administering punishment, you will need to exert considerable control over yourself so that you do not unwittingly reinforce the wrong behavior.

Know, too, that the submissive will probably feel remorse for displeasing you and will want to get back on your "good side" as soon as possible. One very obvious way of pleasing you is with sex. Once again, however, you need to ensure a significant pause between punishment and gratification--yours or your submissive's. This will take tact and understanding, since most of us do not take well the refusal of our sexual advances. In addition, following punishment, the sub will likely be particularly emotionally vulnerable.
And Lastly

Ending a relationship as a form of punishment can cause severe emotional trauma to both parties, particularly the submissive. In only the most extreme cases should the relationship be terminated as a form of punishment. There may be some actions which are unforgivable. Those things should be clearly discussed early on. Don't invoke it or the threat of it casually.

Whatever method you use, remember that correction is an opportunity for you to grow closer, to try to resolve disputes and preserve the relationship. Out of it, the submissive should grow, not have his or her self-esteem destroyed. Being cruel doesn't make you a better dom, but it could very well erode the foundation of trust upon which D/s relationships must be built. Punishment is a tool of last resort. Use it carefully.

A Good Spanking

A Good Spanking




A sensual spanking experience can start long, hours or even days, before the actual spanking. For some people, the anticipation of the event is often more exciting than the event itself. One thing you can do to heighten anticipation is to go toy shopping together. Check out your local kink shop. If you don't have one in the area, beauty supply stores, kitchen shops, hard wares, pharmacies, pet stores, and tack shops offer a great selection. Another thing you can do is to simply talk about what is going to happen. Tell your sub what you will use on her. Tell her what position you are going to put her in. Let your imagination run wild. Another fun trick is to tell your submissive *exactly* what time she will be spanked later in the day. Then, call her with the countdown every once in awhile. I guarantee there will be nothing else on her mind all day long. Perhaps you are going out to dinner that evening.
Request that she doesn't wear any panties, and when you get to the restaurant, have her slide her skirt out from beneath her. Bare skin against a leather seat is oh-so-delicious, and puts the focus exactly where it ought to be.
When the time comes to start the actual festivities, heighten the anticipation a little bit more. Stand her in the corner. Or, send her for the toys . "Young lady, bring me the hairbrush" is likely to send shivers up her spine and down to her, uhm, toes. Perhaps you would like to send her to the bedroom to "prepare herself" and wait for you. Maybe you would enjoy putting her in position over the arm of the sofa to wait while you finish the evening paper, or make that phone call. Again, use your imagination to draw the fun out.
Finally, it is time for the actual spanking. I like to start over the clothes, with slow, firm strokes of the hand. Take your time, there is no need to rush. When you get tired at looking at her skirt, slowly raise it up to her waist. With each inch, you will probably be able to feel her excitement grow. Go through the same routine over her panties...slow, firm strokes ...making sure to spread them over the entire bottom.
For a lot of people, the "taking off of the panties" is a big part of the excitement. Tell her you are going to "spank her on the bare". Tell her when it is time for her panties to come down. Then, take them down slowly ... inch by inch ...until you have them in a position that is pleasing to you. Or, maybe you want to bring them down in one jerk....allowing her to feel a surprising rush of cool air on an already-warmed rear. Variety is the spice!
Some things to remember while you spank: Technique is very important. A relaxed hand, fingers closed, is usually a much more pleasant sensation than keeping the hand stiff and rigid. Try it on yourself. See the difference? Take care to vary the placement of your strokes, and make sure you cover the whole bottom. For most people the "sweet spot" is the lower part of the rear...right above where the thighs and buttocks meet. Make sure to pay special attention to that area, but don't forget any others! While three or four spanks in a row on the same area is exciting, many more than that can often become unpleasant. Vary your intensity. Give her a few soft ones and surprise her with some hard. Chances are, you will love the reaction. Also vary the speed. Going from slow, even strokes to quick, choppy strokes can keep things from getting boring. Keep watch on what you are doing and how her bottom changes color. Be careful to avoid any areas that are bruising, or turning a white, bloodless color.

When you decide your submissive has had enough, it is time for the aftercare. Ice is always nice, as is cool, soothing lotion. And both are such fun to apply! Make sure you give her plenty of hugs and cuddles. This is the time to let her know how much you care about her, and how happy she makes you by taking what you dish out.

Author Unknown

Living a 24/7 Lifestyle?

Living in a full time BDSM relationship is nothing like the books you read. I always find it funny when I receive a request from a submissive to join our household so they can be naked at our feet for the rest of his/her life. Now I'm not saying that this isn't possible from time to time, but I can't imagine it happening in the middle of north Carolina every day all day long. There are just too many times you have to interact with the real vanilla world for that to be practical.

We all long for the days when our lifestyle will be acknowledged as normal and appropriate for some people. So you can better understand what a day in our lives is like, I have decided to tell you more about our mundane existence in our day to day reality.

A normal day in our home starts with Me {Jade} {this should be done by our future sub}getting up an hour before Sir gets Home from his night job.That would be around 6 am.Shower ,lotion...make up then dress in Sir's fav. colors {our future sub would be wearing a gorean slave girl outfit}.

preparing Sir's food means knowing what Sir likes ,low on salt and no hot spices.
Pleasing Sir is the goal here.our future sub need to understand to please a Dominant doesn't mean 'having sex' or 'su*** d***' 24/7 .{not saying that it is never required but really up the the Dominant}real pleasing can mean anything a Dominant wishes for and if it means at that moment to cook His food ,do His laundry or dancing for Him ..or giving him a pedicure ..then if that's His wish then so be it.

Later during the Day its time for a short play/session if the Dominant see that the sub deserve it .

~ Lady Jade

ps .at the moment I am doing the chores our future sub should do ,I know what is required cause I use to lead My very own House ,owning 2 {at times 3} slave boy's, before I met My hubby {Sir}.




I wanted to add to this ...I believe there should be a balance {in submission} between a Dominant and a sub .example I'm not into needle play but my beloved nicky was very much in to it.on occasions i done needle play sessions with her cause I want My sub to be happy ...knowing out of my {now} position that a happy sub serves best and the level of trust is going deeper.

Lady Jade's writing's {you think you know...but so few of us actually do}

you think you know...but so few of us actually do

You think you know my pain? But I hope you never have to.

You don't know the way my heart breaks every time you kiss your significant other,
taking for granted the time you have together.
You don't have the lonely days spent wanting someone to kiss, or a hand to hold.

You don't know about my sleepless nights listening to "our song" attempting to fight back my tears but losing miserably.
You can't understand the importance of getting mail.
Or feel the sense of peace when you see his handwriting on the outside of an envelope,
knowing that he is ok, hes well, and he is still fighting.

You can't believe in the power of "I love you" if you hear it every day.
You wouldn't know the sadness in goodbye, knowing you may never see him again.

And you would never be able to fathom the feelings of happiness when you see him for the first time again.
Hardships are part of the battle, but loving him is worth every tear.

He is the only one, who can make me feel like a woman, help me to believe in myself,
and he is the only one who's voice is able to calm me when i cry.
Whenever I read his letters, hear his voice, or see his face, I know I have made the right decision.



He is the man I love. He is the man I live for.

Wax Play Safety and Hints

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