Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Please Me [poem by joy}
Please Me
Author: Joy © 10/99
I watch as you wet the thin soft strips of leather
my skin becoming goose fleshed in the coldness of your presence
then I look into your eyes and I am not afraid
I see love and trusty
and I know I am safe.
"Lie down." you whisper in my ear
then playfully nibble my lobe before releasing me.
I do as I am told.
You stand over me
tall
strong
dominating
and I shiver once again.
Taking four of the strips
you encircle my wrists and ankles.
The leather is soft and wet against my skin.
You secure the loops
each tied tightly to a corner of the bed.
I am vulnerable
exposed
helpless to your every desire
and it excites me.
You come close to me
slithering up between my spreading thighs.
You lie your weight upon me
flesh upon flesh
your fingers intertwine with mine
You kiss me
your tongue forcefully parting my lips
your mouth savagely devouring mine
then you pull away.
I try to follow
my mouth hungers for more.
But I can not reach you.
I struggle against my constrains
longing to touch your chest
your mouth
You move further away
and I wilt with unfulfilled desire.
But soon you are back
towering over me once again
a bundle of leather strips held in your hand.
You teasingly tickle my stomach with the wet tips
barely brushing my skin
making tiny swirling s shapes on my skin.
SWOOSH
the sting of pain
as you slash the leather whips across me.
I wince
tears well up in my eyes
and spill onto my cheeks
the welts appear instantly.
You slash again.. .
SWOOSH
and again..
SWOOSH
and I cry out
with the ecstasy of pain.
My skin is set alive
burning
aching
longing
on fire with desire and pain
I close my eyes
and wait
then I feel it.
the leather...
as it slides between my legs
teasing me
promises of pleasing me.
I am your prisoner
a prisoner to the pleasures of pain.
Release me..release me
please please me...
SWOOSH
The leather strikes my wettest desire
hot burning desire
Then it happens....
I feel your warm lips
kissing my wounds
licking them
nurturing them.
and the pleasure
from the sheer sweet relief
is too much to bear.
Your tongue
warm
wet
gentle
traces the raised path of welts on my stomach
and I know your destination.
I raise my hips
trying to rush your journey
but you will not be rushed.
You trace and retrace the path
always stopping short....
tease me..tease me...
please, please me...
Then without warning you are there.
Your tongue
swirling in folds of warm flesh
your lips
sucking
pulling
at my swollen bud
You linger here
at this most sensitive spot
exploring
traveling every crease and curve
My muscles tense
my back arches
the leather cuts into my skin
Your tongue thrusts into me.
Your hands grip my hips.
You are buried
immersed
drowning
in the flow of my love.
Your mouth
your tongue
your lips
your teeth
bringing me to heights of pleasure
only dream of before.
The leather has dried
and I am unable to move
even slightly
but my body convulses in waves of orgasm
straining the very limits of my flesh
and soul...
An animal wail escapes from my throat
a moan
a growl
a primeval howl.
I am yours until the end of time
your slave
your love
your prisoner
NEVER LET ME GO
The Ceremony of the Roses by jade
The Ceremony of the Roses
The formal lifestyle is filled with traditions and ceremonies that are seldom witnessed by the outside world and perhaps one of the most moving and meaningful is the "bonding ritual" or Ceremony of the Roses. This ceremony is steeped in symbolism and mystique that dates back for centuries. Here is a brief description of what it involves and means
An Eternal Bond A couple who has decided to remain together for the duration of their lives and beyond will often opt for this ritual as a symbolic statement of their eternal commitment. It is sometimes used to renew a relationship that has gone through a difficult time and survived the test. There are many variations and couples often choose to add special touches to make it uniquely theirs.
The ceremony is never public. Most often only the couple and one or two of their closest associates attend. The submissive carries a single white rose, not quite in full bloom. The Dominant holds a single red rose that is opened almost fully. Both roses must have thorns on their stems and be freshly cut. To perform two other parts of this ritual, a 6-8 foot length of light chain is also required along with several candles or an alcohol burner (or other liquid fuel , such as a good serving dish might use).
The couple, along with one or two of their closest friends, stand facing each other. The submissive, wearing a simple dress, holds her single white rose. Her Dominant, holding his red rose, removes her collar. He passes it quickly through the flames of a small burner and returns it to her neck. As he fastens it securely, he makes a declaration to her that he will protect and guide her for all of eternity.
With a thorn on the stem of his red rose, he pricks her middle finger and lets two drops of blood fall on the white petals of her rose. She then offers the thorns of her rose to him and he pricks his own finger. He lets two drops fall to her rose, one alone and one on top of a drop of hers. The two then press their fingers together and make their vows to be joined by blood.
Their witnesses or friends take a length of light-weight chain and pass it quickly though the flame and wrap it around the couple. They again make their vows to be bound by their souls for eternity. The roses are touched together, letting the blood from hers kiss his, and are then exchanged. The chain is removed and wrapped carefully in a cloth to be given to the couple when the ceremony has ended. The roses are put into a single vase and will later be taken to their private chamber to remain as a reminder to them as they contemplate their new bond that night while joining their bodies.
In the morning, they share their hopes and dreams of being together for eternity and pluck the petals from the roses to place them in a container together. These petals are kept for the lifetime of the couple and a portion of them are buried with each in death. The chain is passed down in the family or given to an honored friend who will use it in their own bonding ceremony.
The Symbolism Revealed
The significance of the roses
The white rose, still not in full bloom, symbolizes her submission. The white color represents the purity of her gift, while the still slightly closed petals show that her submission has not come into full bloom. It never will. Submission is ever deepening, ever growing and the submissive will never reach a place where she cannot open a bit more for her Dominant. The red rose, almost fully open, signifies his dominance. The red represents his passion and desire to posses and protect her at all costs, though it may require him to spill his blood to do so. The rose is almost in full bloom to symbolize that he is ready and mature enough to accept the responsibilities required of him.
In older times, the collar would have been made of metal and heated to a glow and plunged into cold water to temper it after it was burned of all impurities. This action symbolized the removing of all impurities from the circle of ownership provided by the Dominant. All outside influences are burned away in the heat of his desire to protect and defend his submissive. The tempering of the metal that takes place when plunged into cold water shows the strengthening of their commitment by submersion into the waters of life. Today we only symbolize this by passing the collar quickly though the flame, taking care not to damage it. (Note: The use of an alcohol burner in place of a candle prevents any carbon residue from getting on the collar, although there will probably be none if the action is performed quickly enough.)
The significance of the blood:
Pricking the finger of the submissive is symbolic of taking her virginity. She has shed blood to give herself completely to him. The drops on the white rose also speak of the same thing. In pricking his own finger, the dominant shows his willingness to shed his blood to protect and defend her by virtue of his ownership. The drops on her rose show that vividly; the drop that falls on her blood covers it and blends with it, thus indicating their union. Pressing the wounds from the thorns together allows their blood to mix, joining them as stongly as their own family blood-lines. They are now of the same flesh and blood. Exchanging the roses is symbolic of their gift of themselves to each other
The significance of the chain:
The chain is a series of links that represent all the events that have led them to be joined. Each one interlocks with another to complete the chain. Passing it through the flame symbolizes the purification of all the events in their time together as well as their pasts. All bad things are burned away into forgetfulness and only the good remains. Wrapping the chain around them gives a visual image of the binding together of two souls into one. This chain is never used for anything again, other than in a similar ceremony by the person who receives this chain as a gift. They are often passed down for decades or even centuries and are honored by those fortunate enough to receive such a gift.
The significance of the petals:
The mixture of the petals signifies the mixing and blending of their lives. Couples often keep them in a decorative jar, once the petals have dried completely. Upon death, a portion of those petals are placed with the body to show a bond that will extend beyond the grave. Many legends are told of roses that have sprung up on the graves of couples who have loved so strongly during their physical lifetime that even in death they sent back evidence of their everlasting love in the form of roses that bloom again on the graves.
Protector or Predator?
Debunking the Myth
Protector or Predator?
What are they? What role do they fill? Are you being had?
by Lord Colm and jade
The D/s community has long acknowledged the need for mentors and with the sudden explosion in the numbers of people interested in our lifestyle, that need has grown dramatically. Novices need the support and assistance of those members of the community who have wisdom and experience on a practical level to help them develop in a healthy and well-balanced manner. The chat channels have been a spawning ground for a whole new generation of mentors who may not be fulfilling the role in an honorable way. How does a submissive learn to sort them out if she/he is not getting the right information to begin with? In this article we will shed a little light on mentors and how they can help or hinder a new submissive grow into their full potential
Lord Colm's View
There's quite a fad sweeping the D/s community these days. If you spend any time in chat, you have probably seen it: Dominants offering to "mentor novice submissives in their first steps into this lifestyle. Sounds reasonable enough. After all, it is a long-standing tradition in the community for those with experience to take fledglings under their wing to guide them into the often confusing world of D/s. The problem, however, stems from the fact that very few of these so-called "mentors have any real-life experience and even fewer have an inkling of what the responsibility of mentoring actually entails.
Facing Facts
Let's start off with the basics. In the long history of this lifestyle, lessons have been learned by our predecessors from which we can benefit. They learned that when it comes to the relationship between two people in what is a very erotic lifestyle, certain boundaries needed to be established to protect both the Dominant and the submissive from the uneducated, the unscrupulous, and the just plain horny. Dominants, face it: as much as we love the mystique, we don't know everything, and pretending to can only lead to disaster. We weren't born with the knowledge of how to be a dom, so let's take a look at some of what our brothers and sisters before us have learned.
I will preface this by saying that I do understand the intense attraction a dominant may feel towards a novice submissive. We enjoy our role as teacher, and we take great pleasure in watching someone under our tutelage grow and overcome barriers. As the submissive offers herself to our mentorship, we often experience feelings that we thrive on, stimulated by a power exchange. That can be very intoxicating. I suggest, however, that it takes a stronger dominant to understand his or her own limitations and to be able to resist the emotional appeal of taking on the responsibility for another person's growth when you are not equipped to do so. I have a fundamental objection to those with no real-life experience setting themselves up in a position of learned teacher. It's rather like reading a book on brain surgery one day, then advertising yourself as a neurosurgeon the next. Until you have actually practiced and honed your skills in real-life situations, you can't really know what it is like. Reading The Story of O and spending time in chat channels does not qualify you as a mentor.
Muddy Waters
A "mentor" and a "trainer" are not the same thing. While the terms may seem like synonyms, in our lifestyle they are two completely different roles, each with different responsibilities. The mentor's job is to guide novices in understanding the concepts of D/s, to answer their questions, to help them come to terms with internal conflicts and embrace their submissiveness. It is not a mentor's function to teach the submissive how to have sex. Most submissives already know how to do that just fine. The relationship of the mentor to the charge (the term for the submissive under mentorship) is more like that of the wise uncle or teacher. Mentors listen, understand, and answer questions on the tenants of D/s.
Trainers prepare submissives for their future master. They provide a wide variety of tasks and experiences so that they have a broad understanding of etiquette and knowledge of the common traditions and tools of our lifestyle. They offer them a base of experiences to feel comfortable in their role in the lifestyle. A trainer may also be called upon by a submissive's master to provide instruction in some task that the master is unqualified to train. For example, the Japanese Tea Ceremony, or some other highly stylized ritual or duty the master wishes the submissive to be able to perform. The trainer works hand-in-hand with the sub's master and does not serve as a replacement. The master oversees the training to ensure the sub's safety and progress.
Get Off Your Duff
I often see dominants farming out their submissive to another person simply because they are too lazy to learn for themselves first. This is a fundamental error. First and foremost, it is the dominant's responsibility to train her or his sub. If the dominant lacks a skill or certain knowledge, then it is his or her moral obligation to get off the couch and learn it, either in conjunction with the sub, or to master it first. I can't help but wonder what it must do to a sub's respect for his or her master when that master fails to live up to his or her role and instead packs off the sub to another person simply because the dominant lacks the drive to learn. This also sets up an imbalance of power. While the sub's master sits at home watching football, the sub is learning, growing, surpassing her master's level of maturity. What is the sub then to do? Come back and teach the dom? If he's teachable, he should be the one learning first.
There is a strong probability that the submissive will bond with the mentor. This emotional attachment can easily be mistaken for romantic love. The sub may tend to idealize the mentor, and this presents dangers which you must constantly be on guard for. It is the mentor's responsibility to ensure that the nature of the relationship is clearly stated up front: Teacher/student, not master/submissive. The greatest failing of so-called mentors is that they are not in control of themselves and their emotions, and so let things deteriorate. The lines between their role as mentor and master becoming blurred. One common mistake is in how they insist their charge address them. The sub should refer to the mentor as "Sir,not "Master.Why? Because the mentor is clearly not the sub's master. The mentor is only an advisor. The sub's master will be someone to whom his or her life will be devoted, someone to love body and soul. A student does not do that with his or her English professor, nor should a sub do so with a mentor. Keep things in perspective: you are there to offer advice only--never fail to make sure your charge understands this.
Keep your hands off. If you are unable to control your own sexual urges, you have not yet learned what it takes to be a dominant, let alone a mentor. Any physical relationship between charge and mentor is a serious ethical problem. It is an abuse of your power, the trust the sub has placed in you, and a virtual guarantee that your sub will become attached to you emotionally in ways that are detrimental to her or his growth. Human nature being what it is, there is always the possibility that what starts out as a platonic relationship can evolve into something deeper. This is why mentors should not take responsibility for a sub who has a master without clear prior negotiation with the sub's master, along with frequent contact to provide progress updates.
Never, ever do this without a sub's master being involved if they have one. We've seen more than one relationship destroyed from this type of sneaking around. It devastates trust and leads to jealousy. A married sub is to be treated as if she or he is owned, even if the spouse is not involved in the lifestyle. Encouraging infidelity brings into serious question your honor, and a sub who will cheat on a spouse is a sub who will cheat on you. If you see that your relationship with your charge is evolving in an inappropriate direction, take steps immediately to reinforce the boundaries. Have the courage to terminate the arrangement if your efforts are unsuccessful. Avoid actions that could mislead your charge into believing there is more to your relationship than there really is.
It's A Big Job
Dominants, the role of mentor is one of enormous responsibility. It is incumbent upon you to first make sure you are ready--you have the practical experience to be in a position to guide, and this usually means several years of real-life experience, not two months of cyberdomming. If you are looking for a submissive, pretending to be a mentor in order to gain control over another is just plain wrong and deceitful. Novice submissives can be likened to innocent children in that they are not wise to the realities of life. To abuse that naiveté is tantamount to child sexual abuse, and nearly as despicable.
In this age of "whatever you say is D/s, is D/s,I hope I've shed some light on what seems to be a very confusing topic for many in our community. The lines between master, mentor, protector, and trainer are often unclear, even to the one who claims to be such. Information is power, and in a lifestyle based on the exchange of power, the more you have to give, the greater your chances of fulfillment and happiness.
jade's View
I know the overwhelming urges that battle against the mind and heart of a novice submissive. The hunger for knowledge is insatiable at times and the need to fill the pit that has opened up in your soul can devour your every waking moment. After years of struggling to discover your true identity, you want to know everything and know it NOW. A new world has opened up before your eyes and you cannot wait to taste of the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge.
This is likely to be the most vulnerable time in your adult life. You are uninformed, eager, longing and excited to learn all you can. You feel akin to everyone in the lifestyle because you have discovered there are others in the world who are like you. Like a speckled puppy who just slipped out the backdoor, you are experiencing freedom for the first time. Everything you see is a new adventure and you dive in with gusto. This euphoria soon turns into loneliness and fear as you realize you are on your own for the first time in a new world you don't quite understand. Just like that puppy, you run innocently to the first kind voice you hear. Sometimes it's a kindly person who pets your head and leads you safely home. You were lucky this time. The next time it might be the dog catcher who will not be so compassionate.
Finding the Tree of Knowledge
In order to survive in this new world, you need information. Finding it is easy. Everyone will be happy to give you all the information they have. Finding GOOD information is a different story. The facts can be a little frightening but you need to know the truth. Probably close to 90% of the people you meet online in BDSM or D/s channels or rooms are not experienced in the real life world of a power exchange lifestyle. Oh yes, they will tell you that they have been in the lifestyle for 20 years, they have owned 50 slaves and they're past president of the local Dom/sub Union, but 90% or more are lying to you and everyone else they meet. The information they so willing pass on is warped or untested. What sounds good in a cyber fantasy doesn't hold true in a real life encounter. Of the other 10% you meet online who do have real life experience, probably half of them are only acquainted with the physical aspects of the lifestyle and got most of their information from other players at some play party.
Where does this leave you, the novice, in your quest for knowledge? It leaves you confused and frustrated, in most cases, so is it any wonder that you are willing to jump at the chance to accept an offer from this nice Dom who just told you he is a mentor? Keep in mind that Eve was seduced by the Serpent with his offer of knowledge.
Mentor: Webster's definition is a wise advisor, teacher or coach. In the BDSM formal lifestyle, a mentor is usually one who answers the questions of a sub in training. A mentor is usually used hand-in-hand with a trainer where the mentor is usually the friend/confidant of the sub/slave/student
A quote from Master John. Trained Master from a Euro-Oriental Family
Avoiding the Serpent
A Mentor can be just the thing you need, provided he really is one. In the lifestyle, a Mentor is the equivalent of a teacher. His/Her job is to provide you with accurate information and answer the questions you have as you move along the path you are traveling. A mentor is someone who can be trusted to guide you when you are lost, serve as a role model, and offer you assistance when you run into difficulty. A mentor is not your master, although your Master could be called upon to serve as your mentor. In the most narrow definition, a mentor, serves as a guidance counselor, educator, respected friend and confidant. In some ways, they are like Uncles or Aunts who oversee your growth, try to help you avoid the pitfalls of life and stick a Band-Aid on your skinned knees. They are not lovers, sex education teachers, or gods. A mentor does not even have to be a dominant, although most of them you find are.
If you have a Mentor who is requesting sexual favors or taking control of your life, you have discovered a serpent in the Garden of Eden. Mentors do not usually have any physical contact with their charges. This includes all the physical activities, such as spanking, bondage and fondling as well as sexual contact. A mentor is not a trainer and does not have given rights to your personal or intimate thoughts or details of your private times. A mentor does not collar you or mark you as belonging to them. As a submissive, you have the right to sever any and all connections with a mentor without hesitation or explanation. They have no claim to you and you are free to make your own choices without fear of reprisal. Do be aware that a mentor has these same rights and may dissolve any association with you should they feel the relationship is unsatisfactory, for whatever reason.
A Mini Checklist
Accepting assistance from a mentor needs some careful consideration. You will depending on them to provide you with realistic, honest information and guidance. Here are some guidelines that might keep you from ending up with a snake in your underwear.
Protector or Predator?
What are they? What role do they fill? Are you being had?
by Lord Colm and jade
The D/s community has long acknowledged the need for mentors and with the sudden explosion in the numbers of people interested in our lifestyle, that need has grown dramatically. Novices need the support and assistance of those members of the community who have wisdom and experience on a practical level to help them develop in a healthy and well-balanced manner. The chat channels have been a spawning ground for a whole new generation of mentors who may not be fulfilling the role in an honorable way. How does a submissive learn to sort them out if she/he is not getting the right information to begin with? In this article we will shed a little light on mentors and how they can help or hinder a new submissive grow into their full potential
Lord Colm's View
There's quite a fad sweeping the D/s community these days. If you spend any time in chat, you have probably seen it: Dominants offering to "mentor novice submissives in their first steps into this lifestyle. Sounds reasonable enough. After all, it is a long-standing tradition in the community for those with experience to take fledglings under their wing to guide them into the often confusing world of D/s. The problem, however, stems from the fact that very few of these so-called "mentors have any real-life experience and even fewer have an inkling of what the responsibility of mentoring actually entails.
Facing Facts
Let's start off with the basics. In the long history of this lifestyle, lessons have been learned by our predecessors from which we can benefit. They learned that when it comes to the relationship between two people in what is a very erotic lifestyle, certain boundaries needed to be established to protect both the Dominant and the submissive from the uneducated, the unscrupulous, and the just plain horny. Dominants, face it: as much as we love the mystique, we don't know everything, and pretending to can only lead to disaster. We weren't born with the knowledge of how to be a dom, so let's take a look at some of what our brothers and sisters before us have learned.
I will preface this by saying that I do understand the intense attraction a dominant may feel towards a novice submissive. We enjoy our role as teacher, and we take great pleasure in watching someone under our tutelage grow and overcome barriers. As the submissive offers herself to our mentorship, we often experience feelings that we thrive on, stimulated by a power exchange. That can be very intoxicating. I suggest, however, that it takes a stronger dominant to understand his or her own limitations and to be able to resist the emotional appeal of taking on the responsibility for another person's growth when you are not equipped to do so. I have a fundamental objection to those with no real-life experience setting themselves up in a position of learned teacher. It's rather like reading a book on brain surgery one day, then advertising yourself as a neurosurgeon the next. Until you have actually practiced and honed your skills in real-life situations, you can't really know what it is like. Reading The Story of O and spending time in chat channels does not qualify you as a mentor.
Muddy Waters
A "mentor" and a "trainer" are not the same thing. While the terms may seem like synonyms, in our lifestyle they are two completely different roles, each with different responsibilities. The mentor's job is to guide novices in understanding the concepts of D/s, to answer their questions, to help them come to terms with internal conflicts and embrace their submissiveness. It is not a mentor's function to teach the submissive how to have sex. Most submissives already know how to do that just fine. The relationship of the mentor to the charge (the term for the submissive under mentorship) is more like that of the wise uncle or teacher. Mentors listen, understand, and answer questions on the tenants of D/s.
Trainers prepare submissives for their future master. They provide a wide variety of tasks and experiences so that they have a broad understanding of etiquette and knowledge of the common traditions and tools of our lifestyle. They offer them a base of experiences to feel comfortable in their role in the lifestyle. A trainer may also be called upon by a submissive's master to provide instruction in some task that the master is unqualified to train. For example, the Japanese Tea Ceremony, or some other highly stylized ritual or duty the master wishes the submissive to be able to perform. The trainer works hand-in-hand with the sub's master and does not serve as a replacement. The master oversees the training to ensure the sub's safety and progress.
Get Off Your Duff
I often see dominants farming out their submissive to another person simply because they are too lazy to learn for themselves first. This is a fundamental error. First and foremost, it is the dominant's responsibility to train her or his sub. If the dominant lacks a skill or certain knowledge, then it is his or her moral obligation to get off the couch and learn it, either in conjunction with the sub, or to master it first. I can't help but wonder what it must do to a sub's respect for his or her master when that master fails to live up to his or her role and instead packs off the sub to another person simply because the dominant lacks the drive to learn. This also sets up an imbalance of power. While the sub's master sits at home watching football, the sub is learning, growing, surpassing her master's level of maturity. What is the sub then to do? Come back and teach the dom? If he's teachable, he should be the one learning first.
There is a strong probability that the submissive will bond with the mentor. This emotional attachment can easily be mistaken for romantic love. The sub may tend to idealize the mentor, and this presents dangers which you must constantly be on guard for. It is the mentor's responsibility to ensure that the nature of the relationship is clearly stated up front: Teacher/student, not master/submissive. The greatest failing of so-called mentors is that they are not in control of themselves and their emotions, and so let things deteriorate. The lines between their role as mentor and master becoming blurred. One common mistake is in how they insist their charge address them. The sub should refer to the mentor as "Sir,not "Master.Why? Because the mentor is clearly not the sub's master. The mentor is only an advisor. The sub's master will be someone to whom his or her life will be devoted, someone to love body and soul. A student does not do that with his or her English professor, nor should a sub do so with a mentor. Keep things in perspective: you are there to offer advice only--never fail to make sure your charge understands this.
Keep your hands off. If you are unable to control your own sexual urges, you have not yet learned what it takes to be a dominant, let alone a mentor. Any physical relationship between charge and mentor is a serious ethical problem. It is an abuse of your power, the trust the sub has placed in you, and a virtual guarantee that your sub will become attached to you emotionally in ways that are detrimental to her or his growth. Human nature being what it is, there is always the possibility that what starts out as a platonic relationship can evolve into something deeper. This is why mentors should not take responsibility for a sub who has a master without clear prior negotiation with the sub's master, along with frequent contact to provide progress updates.
Never, ever do this without a sub's master being involved if they have one. We've seen more than one relationship destroyed from this type of sneaking around. It devastates trust and leads to jealousy. A married sub is to be treated as if she or he is owned, even if the spouse is not involved in the lifestyle. Encouraging infidelity brings into serious question your honor, and a sub who will cheat on a spouse is a sub who will cheat on you. If you see that your relationship with your charge is evolving in an inappropriate direction, take steps immediately to reinforce the boundaries. Have the courage to terminate the arrangement if your efforts are unsuccessful. Avoid actions that could mislead your charge into believing there is more to your relationship than there really is.
It's A Big Job
Dominants, the role of mentor is one of enormous responsibility. It is incumbent upon you to first make sure you are ready--you have the practical experience to be in a position to guide, and this usually means several years of real-life experience, not two months of cyberdomming. If you are looking for a submissive, pretending to be a mentor in order to gain control over another is just plain wrong and deceitful. Novice submissives can be likened to innocent children in that they are not wise to the realities of life. To abuse that naiveté is tantamount to child sexual abuse, and nearly as despicable.
In this age of "whatever you say is D/s, is D/s,I hope I've shed some light on what seems to be a very confusing topic for many in our community. The lines between master, mentor, protector, and trainer are often unclear, even to the one who claims to be such. Information is power, and in a lifestyle based on the exchange of power, the more you have to give, the greater your chances of fulfillment and happiness.
jade's View
I know the overwhelming urges that battle against the mind and heart of a novice submissive. The hunger for knowledge is insatiable at times and the need to fill the pit that has opened up in your soul can devour your every waking moment. After years of struggling to discover your true identity, you want to know everything and know it NOW. A new world has opened up before your eyes and you cannot wait to taste of the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge.
This is likely to be the most vulnerable time in your adult life. You are uninformed, eager, longing and excited to learn all you can. You feel akin to everyone in the lifestyle because you have discovered there are others in the world who are like you. Like a speckled puppy who just slipped out the backdoor, you are experiencing freedom for the first time. Everything you see is a new adventure and you dive in with gusto. This euphoria soon turns into loneliness and fear as you realize you are on your own for the first time in a new world you don't quite understand. Just like that puppy, you run innocently to the first kind voice you hear. Sometimes it's a kindly person who pets your head and leads you safely home. You were lucky this time. The next time it might be the dog catcher who will not be so compassionate.
Finding the Tree of Knowledge
In order to survive in this new world, you need information. Finding it is easy. Everyone will be happy to give you all the information they have. Finding GOOD information is a different story. The facts can be a little frightening but you need to know the truth. Probably close to 90% of the people you meet online in BDSM or D/s channels or rooms are not experienced in the real life world of a power exchange lifestyle. Oh yes, they will tell you that they have been in the lifestyle for 20 years, they have owned 50 slaves and they're past president of the local Dom/sub Union, but 90% or more are lying to you and everyone else they meet. The information they so willing pass on is warped or untested. What sounds good in a cyber fantasy doesn't hold true in a real life encounter. Of the other 10% you meet online who do have real life experience, probably half of them are only acquainted with the physical aspects of the lifestyle and got most of their information from other players at some play party.
Where does this leave you, the novice, in your quest for knowledge? It leaves you confused and frustrated, in most cases, so is it any wonder that you are willing to jump at the chance to accept an offer from this nice Dom who just told you he is a mentor? Keep in mind that Eve was seduced by the Serpent with his offer of knowledge.
Mentor: Webster's definition is a wise advisor, teacher or coach. In the BDSM formal lifestyle, a mentor is usually one who answers the questions of a sub in training. A mentor is usually used hand-in-hand with a trainer where the mentor is usually the friend/confidant of the sub/slave/student
A quote from Master John. Trained Master from a Euro-Oriental Family
Avoiding the Serpent
A Mentor can be just the thing you need, provided he really is one. In the lifestyle, a Mentor is the equivalent of a teacher. His/Her job is to provide you with accurate information and answer the questions you have as you move along the path you are traveling. A mentor is someone who can be trusted to guide you when you are lost, serve as a role model, and offer you assistance when you run into difficulty. A mentor is not your master, although your Master could be called upon to serve as your mentor. In the most narrow definition, a mentor, serves as a guidance counselor, educator, respected friend and confidant. In some ways, they are like Uncles or Aunts who oversee your growth, try to help you avoid the pitfalls of life and stick a Band-Aid on your skinned knees. They are not lovers, sex education teachers, or gods. A mentor does not even have to be a dominant, although most of them you find are.
If you have a Mentor who is requesting sexual favors or taking control of your life, you have discovered a serpent in the Garden of Eden. Mentors do not usually have any physical contact with their charges. This includes all the physical activities, such as spanking, bondage and fondling as well as sexual contact. A mentor is not a trainer and does not have given rights to your personal or intimate thoughts or details of your private times. A mentor does not collar you or mark you as belonging to them. As a submissive, you have the right to sever any and all connections with a mentor without hesitation or explanation. They have no claim to you and you are free to make your own choices without fear of reprisal. Do be aware that a mentor has these same rights and may dissolve any association with you should they feel the relationship is unsatisfactory, for whatever reason.
A Mini Checklist
Accepting assistance from a mentor needs some careful consideration. You will depending on them to provide you with realistic, honest information and guidance. Here are some guidelines that might keep you from ending up with a snake in your underwear.
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